Battling Chemo...The Update
I wanted to wait to share the nitty-gritty of our situation until I could catch up on the story leading up to some of the decisions we made, but...life doesn't always wait for you to catch up to move forward. I know many of you have been wondering about the technical side of my process and what we're doing to "deal with the cancer," especially since I've written very little about that ever-so pleasant side of things. So, for the inquiring minds who want to know...
We were told that the cancer was "invasive ductal carcinoma," and the biopsy showed it was a grade 2. (Grade refers to how aggressive the cancer cells grows--so 3 being like a toddler on a sugar high, 1 being like an old lady in her Cadillac on a Sunday morning.) We were also given a "clinical diagnosis" (meaning by observation of the doctor, but can't absolutely be proven with precise, indisputable scientific evidence) that it was "inflammatory," meaning...."UGH!" Taking my age into consideration, the doctors said it was in my best interest to throw a bunch of drugs at it, cut it out, fire up what's left, and drug anything that could even think about forming little cancer baby cells in the future! More technically speaking: a round of third generation chemo, a mastectomy, 6 weeks of radiation, and 5 years of hormone pills. Sounds pretty chipper, huh?
Of course, we got a second opinion and heard the same story, but the new oncologist was more open to patient involvement in the treatment process and discussing options rather than sentencing treatment and expecting compliance. Dr. Braun explained studies show the benefits of undergoing treatment prior to surgery. Doctors are able to monitor how effective specific chemo drugs are by measuring the change in the size of the tumor. If the chemo is shrinking the tumor, then it is working on any other areas the cancer may have spread to. By knowing whether or not chemo is effective, they don't need to continue to expose my body to harmful drugs unless it proves to be working. So, we thought it sounded pretty logical and wise to start our process with chemo rather than go straight to surgery. (I'll explain the process we went through during this time of deciding what to do in another post...it was quite the journey!)
On the first of November, I started chemo. Dr. Braun thought it best to start with the standard chemo cocktail of Taxotere and Cytoxan every 3 weeks for 4 cycles, and would only resort to the ugly stuff if necessary. The first treatment went really well! I was a little nauseated the day after, and a little sensitive to smells for a few days after that, but other than feeling tired and weak, I still felt pretty normal! I had a little delayed reaction with an odd rash forming on my hands and my breathing getting a little raspy one day, so they put me on steroids to help with it, and it went away. My hair started falling out the second week after treatment, which is quite the emotional and psychological drain in itself, but again...for a different post.
I was scheduled for my second treatment the day after Thanksgiving. That session didn't go so well. I had a violent reaction to Taxotere, and they were forced to stop treatment. Read about that experience in this blog. After recovering from that situation, we were eager to know what came next. Dr. Braun decided it was best to have a MRI to see how effective the chemo was after 4 weeks. The results were as exciting as they were a daunting!
By having two sets of images to compare (the before and after), they were able to determine that the cancer was well on its way to spreading. I had other little spots starting to form in the area around the original tumor. The images also showed that there were signs that the cancer was starting to get comfortable in some of my lymph nodes. And finally, they were able to say more confidently that it is indeed an "inflammatory" cancer. When I asked Dr. Braun about the staging, he told us nothing would be official until after surgery, but with what they knew up to this point, I was at a Stage 3.
The good news!? With the ONE successful treatment....all those little spots around the tumor were gone; the signs of the inflammatory mess were under control; the tumor itself was reduced significantly; and my little lymph nodes were looking much more normal, suggesting that the cancer gave up residence there! The doctors were AMAZED at such results with only ONE full treatment. They tried to play it off at first like it wasn't necessarily unheard of, but their initial response suggested otherwise.
I don't know about you, but I totally give credit to God! Our faith was working and we were definitely encouraged! Again....all that to be expounded in another post!
So, we had to figure out Plan B since Taxotere was no longer an option for me. Dr. Braun suggested we try Taxol, which is a sister drug to Taxotere, and because it is much milder and easier on the immune system, they can administer it more frequently. I had a new schedule of 12 cycles given once a week. On the scheduled day, we felt pretty confident and didn't go in fearing the worst, even though they said there was a chance I could react, but it would be more likely to happen with the next treatment....again the body likes to build up defenses against foreign agents, especially if those agents go around killing cells! To prevent that from happening, they thought it best to pump me full of steroids the night before, the morning of, and right before they started the chemo drip!
Needless to say, during treatment all eyes were on me! Once they started the drip, Preston and my mom sat in front of me and stared! If I burped a weird way I think I would've had Preston jumping up in his chair! I wish I could tell you we all sat around laughing light-heartedly, sipping lattes and reminiscing about better days, but I can't. Within 5 minutes, I had the same violent reaction I did before. My body wasn't fooled, and it wasn't going to tolerate it. If you read the other blog about what that reaction was like, you can imagine how disappointed we were to relive it again! The doctors determined I had a yew tree allergy, and I would not to be able to tolerate any of the "Taxane" chemo drugs for my treatment.
I had a hard time understanding the irony of my situation. My body rejected the drug that had proved to be so effective on the cancer and be so good at doing what chemo should do if you're going to do it at all! As you can imagine, I had a few questions for God at this point! (And yes, we'll save that for another post!) Deciding to even do chemo was a tough decision for me in the first place, but we had peace in doing it. The only thing to do now is figure out which options we had left.
Remember how I said Dr. Braun would only resort to using the "ugly stuff" unless absolutely necessary!? Well, we had arrived at "necessary." Plan C: The Ugly UGH! Adriamycin. My last option for chemo. I was just not ready to give consent right away. If I didn't consent to continuing with chemo, all the doctors recommended I have surgery right away. Dr. Braun would still recommend I finish chemo with the Adriamycin after surgery. So, if I was going to choose to finish chemo at all, I knew it would be best to continue it now, but in the moment when everyone was sitting in the doctor's office waiting for me to decide, I just did not know.
In moments like that, you're faced with more than just the question at hand. You start asking yourself what you believe, what you value, what you're willing to endure, and what you're willing to sacrifice to do what in your heart is right--and what's right for you--to go with where your peace leads you. Knowing that no one can make the decision for you, and no one can choose how your faith is going to work in the situation, you start to feel very alone, and very conflicted. I knew Preston and my family and dear friends would support me through it each step of the way with whichever decision I made. But, in the deciding, in the choosing a path to walk...it really was just me and God. I had a week to find my answer.
We were told that the cancer was "invasive ductal carcinoma," and the biopsy showed it was a grade 2. (Grade refers to how aggressive the cancer cells grows--so 3 being like a toddler on a sugar high, 1 being like an old lady in her Cadillac on a Sunday morning.) We were also given a "clinical diagnosis" (meaning by observation of the doctor, but can't absolutely be proven with precise, indisputable scientific evidence) that it was "inflammatory," meaning...."UGH!" Taking my age into consideration, the doctors said it was in my best interest to throw a bunch of drugs at it, cut it out, fire up what's left, and drug anything that could even think about forming little cancer baby cells in the future! More technically speaking: a round of third generation chemo, a mastectomy, 6 weeks of radiation, and 5 years of hormone pills. Sounds pretty chipper, huh?
Of course, we got a second opinion and heard the same story, but the new oncologist was more open to patient involvement in the treatment process and discussing options rather than sentencing treatment and expecting compliance. Dr. Braun explained studies show the benefits of undergoing treatment prior to surgery. Doctors are able to monitor how effective specific chemo drugs are by measuring the change in the size of the tumor. If the chemo is shrinking the tumor, then it is working on any other areas the cancer may have spread to. By knowing whether or not chemo is effective, they don't need to continue to expose my body to harmful drugs unless it proves to be working. So, we thought it sounded pretty logical and wise to start our process with chemo rather than go straight to surgery. (I'll explain the process we went through during this time of deciding what to do in another post...it was quite the journey!)
On the first of November, I started chemo. Dr. Braun thought it best to start with the standard chemo cocktail of Taxotere and Cytoxan every 3 weeks for 4 cycles, and would only resort to the ugly stuff if necessary. The first treatment went really well! I was a little nauseated the day after, and a little sensitive to smells for a few days after that, but other than feeling tired and weak, I still felt pretty normal! I had a little delayed reaction with an odd rash forming on my hands and my breathing getting a little raspy one day, so they put me on steroids to help with it, and it went away. My hair started falling out the second week after treatment, which is quite the emotional and psychological drain in itself, but again...for a different post.
I was scheduled for my second treatment the day after Thanksgiving. That session didn't go so well. I had a violent reaction to Taxotere, and they were forced to stop treatment. Read about that experience in this blog. After recovering from that situation, we were eager to know what came next. Dr. Braun decided it was best to have a MRI to see how effective the chemo was after 4 weeks. The results were as exciting as they were a daunting!
By having two sets of images to compare (the before and after), they were able to determine that the cancer was well on its way to spreading. I had other little spots starting to form in the area around the original tumor. The images also showed that there were signs that the cancer was starting to get comfortable in some of my lymph nodes. And finally, they were able to say more confidently that it is indeed an "inflammatory" cancer. When I asked Dr. Braun about the staging, he told us nothing would be official until after surgery, but with what they knew up to this point, I was at a Stage 3.
The good news!? With the ONE successful treatment....all those little spots around the tumor were gone; the signs of the inflammatory mess were under control; the tumor itself was reduced significantly; and my little lymph nodes were looking much more normal, suggesting that the cancer gave up residence there! The doctors were AMAZED at such results with only ONE full treatment. They tried to play it off at first like it wasn't necessarily unheard of, but their initial response suggested otherwise.
I don't know about you, but I totally give credit to God! Our faith was working and we were definitely encouraged! Again....all that to be expounded in another post!
So, we had to figure out Plan B since Taxotere was no longer an option for me. Dr. Braun suggested we try Taxol, which is a sister drug to Taxotere, and because it is much milder and easier on the immune system, they can administer it more frequently. I had a new schedule of 12 cycles given once a week. On the scheduled day, we felt pretty confident and didn't go in fearing the worst, even though they said there was a chance I could react, but it would be more likely to happen with the next treatment....again the body likes to build up defenses against foreign agents, especially if those agents go around killing cells! To prevent that from happening, they thought it best to pump me full of steroids the night before, the morning of, and right before they started the chemo drip!
Needless to say, during treatment all eyes were on me! Once they started the drip, Preston and my mom sat in front of me and stared! If I burped a weird way I think I would've had Preston jumping up in his chair! I wish I could tell you we all sat around laughing light-heartedly, sipping lattes and reminiscing about better days, but I can't. Within 5 minutes, I had the same violent reaction I did before. My body wasn't fooled, and it wasn't going to tolerate it. If you read the other blog about what that reaction was like, you can imagine how disappointed we were to relive it again! The doctors determined I had a yew tree allergy, and I would not to be able to tolerate any of the "Taxane" chemo drugs for my treatment.
I had a hard time understanding the irony of my situation. My body rejected the drug that had proved to be so effective on the cancer and be so good at doing what chemo should do if you're going to do it at all! As you can imagine, I had a few questions for God at this point! (And yes, we'll save that for another post!) Deciding to even do chemo was a tough decision for me in the first place, but we had peace in doing it. The only thing to do now is figure out which options we had left.
Remember how I said Dr. Braun would only resort to using the "ugly stuff" unless absolutely necessary!? Well, we had arrived at "necessary." Plan C: The Ugly UGH! Adriamycin. My last option for chemo. I was just not ready to give consent right away. If I didn't consent to continuing with chemo, all the doctors recommended I have surgery right away. Dr. Braun would still recommend I finish chemo with the Adriamycin after surgery. So, if I was going to choose to finish chemo at all, I knew it would be best to continue it now, but in the moment when everyone was sitting in the doctor's office waiting for me to decide, I just did not know.
In moments like that, you're faced with more than just the question at hand. You start asking yourself what you believe, what you value, what you're willing to endure, and what you're willing to sacrifice to do what in your heart is right--and what's right for you--to go with where your peace leads you. Knowing that no one can make the decision for you, and no one can choose how your faith is going to work in the situation, you start to feel very alone, and very conflicted. I knew Preston and my family and dear friends would support me through it each step of the way with whichever decision I made. But, in the deciding, in the choosing a path to walk...it really was just me and God. I had a week to find my answer.
Dear Liz, You are a high tower of strength. Hang on child.Thank you for the blog. I'm sure it was no small task.You are in our Prayers.
ReplyDeleteIf you need anything please let us know.We love & miss you.
ox Ke'hley Lauer & Family
Philippians 4:13. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Amen <3