My Wake Up Call

Now, this little story is going to seem really ridiculous to most people, especially the extent of detail that I'm giving it.  But for anyone who has ever had an experience with serious back pain, it will read like a huge success story.  In the end, I'd like to think that it was a big turning point in my journey to get me to this point today.

At the start of my spring break--the one week I was determined to take a break and take time for me to have fun--I threw my back out.  I can't tell you how, but it wasn't the first time.   In fact, this was the fourth time I threw my back out in the past 7 months!  The last time was right before Thanksgiving, and so I spent the holiday alone in bed.  I forced my hubby to go enjoy TG dinner with the family, since we were still in the middle of his cancer battle.  Anyhow, this last time was pretty bad!

One morning, the pain was so bad I couldn't get myself out of bed.  The more I tried, the more it began to hurt.  I wouldn't let my husband touch me or try to lift me for fear of the intense pain.  I tried for 5 hours!   He ended up leaving me there to go to an appointment he had, reasoning that I wouldn't let him help me, so there was nothing better for him to do but leave.  (Which at the time, pissed me off completely, but...he was right...shh...don't say anything!)  The pain was so bad that eventually it hurt to move my legs at all.  As you might have guessed, I still hadn't had that morning trip to the restroom, so not only was I fighting against the back pain, but I was also trying not to wet the bed.

I started praying, asking God to provide for some miraculous way for me to be able to stand to my feet without moving.  But  I knew better.  In answer, He brought to mind all the stories from the gospels where Jesus told the people He healed, "Get up and walk" (Matt. 9:5, Mark 2:9, Luke 5:23, John 5:8).  Jesus met them where their real faith was at, it was up to them to act on their healing.  I continued to pray, this time in the spirit, and not for a miracle, but for strength to move beyond my fear of pain.  Sure enough, I was able to turn my body enough to slide off the bed and land on my knees on the floor.   I tried to lift myself up to standing position, but at the slightest sense of pain I stopped.  So, the next predicament was where to go from there.

I thought of my husband having to clean up after me if I couldn't get to the restroom in time, and I felt bad.  I willed myself to inch over to the hallway, and the bathroom was just a couple of feet away.  So, I inched myself over to the floor.  Then, I decided that I could just go a little further and get to the bathmat.  When I got there, I felt God telling me, "The toilet is right there.  Just lift yourself onto the seat.  But do it for yourself."  And I did.  From the toilet seat, I was able to lift myself into a lopsided standing position. 

And there I was, standing on my own two feet, staring into the mirror at this broken person that somehow managed to find it in herself to do what God had already given me the power to do.  I just had to let go of my fear of pain and doubt and move forward.  It took 4 trips to the chiropractor and another week of rest to be fully functioning again.  But, that day changed me.  In a very small experience that was very difficult to get on the other side of, God met me where I was at to accomplish something great (if even in a very small way).  When I accomplished one step, I saw that I could go a little further, and then I saw the next step, and realized I could go a little further still, until eventually I arrived at this huge victory.  As I reflected on that morning, God encouraged me, "Now apply that to life."

So, here I go...