The Mess of Me
So, yesterday was not too pretty. I woke up with no motivation to do anything. I was stuck in this little bubble of depression because I realized that I could just slowly let the areas of my life slip away, and, at the surface level, I could pretend not to care. I was talking to my husband about it very early this morning (when we were going to bed...tsk, tsk...) I came to the realization that whenever I try to focus in on those areas of myself that need to change I tend to fall apart and get wrapped up into a big funk. I told him that it was easier just to apply myself to focusing on others and doing things, because at least, if anything, I'm being productive and doing good things. Its supposedly the better alternative, and definitely better for other people. My husband is such a real and to the point kind of guy. He was like, "What's the point of that!?" He told me what's the point of doing all these things and making yourself busy with stuff when you can't be yourself or live your life being real with who you are (at least, that's what I got out of everything he said.)
Sometimes life needs to get a little messy and feel a little out of control for you to finally put the pieces together, where they're supposed to go, not just in the places that look good on the outside. Its time to let the pieces of me fall out of the box, and then piece them back together according to God's design. And, yeah, it will continue to get messy and feel uncomfortable, and I will be fighting myself to not piece it together the way I think it should look like, but according to who God's Word says that I am.
I was reading in Romans these past two days, and I started with chapter 6 this morning. Verse 4 hit me between the eyes: "Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we should walk in newness of life." Just like that...because of what HE did, I can walk in newness of life in Christ. In some seasons, it takes faith to walk forward, to live in the newness of Christ. I've read these passages before, but I was looking at it through the wrong lens. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 it says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." Reborn. New. A new version. So, all the pieces of your old self get washed away, and God gives you a brand new puzzle to put together in His order, by His design, and the picture is laid out in the pages of His Word.
I accepted Christ into my heart standing on a street corner with my parents when I was five years old. Nearly twenty-five years later, I'm finally starting to understand the bigger picture. A lot of the pieces will fall right into place, those aspects of my relationship with God that have been there all along--the outer edges of the puzzle. The middle, however, is the beauty of it all, the best part. So, here's to assembling His pieces...in His light...with His design, on day at a time, until this mess of me is a clear reflection of the One who re-created it.
Sometimes life needs to get a little messy and feel a little out of control for you to finally put the pieces together, where they're supposed to go, not just in the places that look good on the outside. Its time to let the pieces of me fall out of the box, and then piece them back together according to God's design. And, yeah, it will continue to get messy and feel uncomfortable, and I will be fighting myself to not piece it together the way I think it should look like, but according to who God's Word says that I am.
I was reading in Romans these past two days, and I started with chapter 6 this morning. Verse 4 hit me between the eyes: "Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we should walk in newness of life." Just like that...because of what HE did, I can walk in newness of life in Christ. In some seasons, it takes faith to walk forward, to live in the newness of Christ. I've read these passages before, but I was looking at it through the wrong lens. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 it says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." Reborn. New. A new version. So, all the pieces of your old self get washed away, and God gives you a brand new puzzle to put together in His order, by His design, and the picture is laid out in the pages of His Word.
I accepted Christ into my heart standing on a street corner with my parents when I was five years old. Nearly twenty-five years later, I'm finally starting to understand the bigger picture. A lot of the pieces will fall right into place, those aspects of my relationship with God that have been there all along--the outer edges of the puzzle. The middle, however, is the beauty of it all, the best part. So, here's to assembling His pieces...in His light...with His design, on day at a time, until this mess of me is a clear reflection of the One who re-created it.
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