Enough To Be Valued

When do you get to the point when you feel valued?  Valued by people; valued by your family; valued by yourself; valued by God.  I've struggled with that question my whole life, and I've come up with several different answers that satisfied me enough to keep going, to keep trying to find the one answer that applies to every aspect of life.

In the past, I measured my value in pleasing other people.  If the people in my life were pleased with me, then I was worth something...I meant something to somebody, or I somehow had small part to play to change someone else for the better.  The challenge in that, however, is trying to please multiple people and God all the time.  Typically, pleasing God and people at the same time doesn't fare very well in the end.  One decision or action pleased one person while offended another, but if you try hard enough to cater to each need at the right time to balance it all out, then yeah, you can find some value in that.  If you are willing to sacrifice a good part of yourself, let me tell you, its possible, for awhile anyway.  

After awhile, the pleasing God part begins to fade, because no matter how good you are at making it all fit, there will come a point when what God desires is going to be filtered out with the busies and to-do's. And that eventually evolves into finding my value being measured by how much I was capable of doing, morphing into doing things mindlessly for God instead of with God.  If I could prove that I could work hard enough and long enough, then I could show myself to be a valuable asset.  People needed me, and I needed them, but not for the right reasons.  No matter how much I did, more was expected of me.  No matter how much I gave, I was asked to give just a little more.  And the scary thing is that the majority of the time it was MY voice demanding more from me, punishing myself over and over to get to the point of finally being satisfied.  Because inspite of all I do, I still couldn't find that value in myself.

I was talking to one of my closest friends today about it over a soggy cobb salad.  Finally, I was admitting that I was exhausted and tired of being valued by what I could prove rather than who I am.  The truth is you don't need to do anything or prove anything or be anything to be valuable in God's eyes.  He already did it all on the cross...proved that He love me, as the sinner, enough to give it all so I can find my value in His perfect love.  I was bought at a high price, and given everything in return.  And all this time when I've been wearing myself thin with all these measures of value, God has been asking, "When am I going to be enough for you?  When will you finally see yourself as I see you?  When will you accept that I love you beyond measure simply because of the value you are to Me?"  It took trial after trial to get here, to see, to receive what was mine all along simply because of the power of His love for me.  All I had to do was believe it.

This song came on the radio on the way home today, and it was the perfect song for the beauty of God's Word for me today.  Enjoy.